A Mother's Love
by spangelbanger
Summary: This came to me in an image. A mother loading her two boys into a car she didn't want but secretly loves. A little boy playing peek-a-boo over the back seat with his baby brother. The bright innocent sound of a baby's laughter. It came to me as a mundane moment the kind that are always taken for granted until they are gone.


November 2, 1983

"What the hell is this?" John slammed the book onto the table. It was bound in light leather with pages that were old and brittle.

"Congratulations John, you've found a book." Mary said trying to hide the way her heart jumped at the site of it.

"Want to tell me why you're reading about demons?"

"Because I'm so spiritual?" She said turning back to the dishes she had been washing. Wishing she could hide in the soap bubbles. Wishing she could wash away what she had done. She knew she couldn't. Even if she scrubbed until her hands bled it wouldn't change anything. He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. His eyes dark with barely contained anger. She looked at their son coloring at the kitchen table. "Dean go check on your brother."

He nodded and dropped the crayon running out of the room with all the excited purpose a five year old can manage.

"Get your hand off of me." She said flatly. Reminding herself over and over that it wasn't his fault. She made the choice that his life was worth this. That it was worth anything.

He dropped it away the anger fading with it. "I'm worried about you." He said softly like it forgave everything. "You've been off ever since Sam was born. Like you're depressed half the time and mad at the world the other half. I don't know what you want from me, and when I think I'm starting to figure it out I find a book about demons wedged under your pillow? I just don't understand."

"There's nothing for you to understand John. It's just a book."

"Then why would you hide it?"

"Because I knew this would be the way you'd react."

"Right. Because I over react." He said the anger back. He pulled his car keys out of his pocket and handed them to her "When you're ready to tell me what's going on I'll be at the shop."

Mary was pacing the book in one hand. Sam cradled close to her chest with the other. She kissed the top of his head. Blinking back the tears in her eyes. She looked up at the clock feeling the seconds tick away. Somehow she'd stop it. She felt arms wrap around her leg and looked down to see her oldest looking up at her apprehensively "It's going to be okay." He whispered patting the back of her thigh. She sat the book on the counter and ran her fingers through his soft hair.

"I hope you're right baby." She looked around the kitchen "What would you like for Supper?"

"Pie." He smiled up at her with an devious look that had her smiling back.

"I'll make pie for desert." She promised. "But you need real food."

"Cheeseburgers." He said pulling away from her.

She did a quick mental stock of the kitchen "I don't think.." She stopped herself if he wanted cheeseburgers she'd make them. "Okay, we'll have to go to the store first."

She didn't admit it especially to John but she kind of loved this car. The growl, and the feel of the wheel at least she felt like she had a little more control. She checked the rear view mirror. Instead of being focused out the back glass it was focused on the back seat and the car seat. Sam was watching his brother. Dean was standing up in the front seat making faces toward the baby then giggling and hiding below the back of the seat. She smiled and ruffled his hair again reaching down to turn on the radio. She felt the gnawing panic starting in the pit of her stomach. How long did she have left before the demon would come? Days? Weeks? Maybe a month. If it were exactly ten years she had three weeks. But what if it wasn't what if it was ten years in the loosest sense of time? Demons were usually exact. But they normally traded the person's soul and were clear on the terms this blurry mess of not knowing was slowly killing her. She knew as much as she wished she could convince herself otherwise, He was coming for Sam. She had to stop it.

She heard the giggle from the back seat. The sweet innocent sound of a happy baby. She looked in the mirror again committing that smile to memory that was why she would fight even if it killed her nothing was going to happen to Sam Not while she was alive. But what if she wasn't? What if the demon killed her? She thought for the hundredth time about telling John. But he was civilian, a mechanic, he was sweet despite his temper and he'd think she was crazy, at best he might believe her. But what would he do if he believed she traded their son's life for his? She tried to push the thoughts away again. Another thought coming to her. She pulled into the parking spot leaving the engine idling while she watched her boys playing. Dean peaking over the seat and ducking back down. He looked up at her "Are we here?"

"We're here." She said softly.

"Are we going in?"

"In a minute." She took his hand holding it. He looked confused but put his other hand in hers as well seeing the tear on her face he stood up and threw his arms around her neck squeezing as much as he could.

"It's going to be okay mom." He whispered kissing her cheek. "Dad will come back."

A sob tore itself from her throat and she wrapped her arms tightly around his tiny waist pulling him close to her. While she gave in and cried. Her hopelessness pouring out onto his shirt. She pulled back sniffing. "I'm sorry baby."

He patted the top of her head the bright smile back "It's okay, I'll fix it."

"Baby you can't fix everything." She said then regretted it. Her eyes going back to Sam. "Tell you what kiddo, no matter what you and Sam need to look out for each other."

"I promise." He practically sang it. "Sam's going to be my best-est friend and when he's big enough to play we're going to go to the park together."

"That's right baby." She said softly "and you'll ride bikes together, and go to the same school, and annoy each other every chance you get."

He seemed to like whatever game they were playing laughing and asking what else. "Mommy," He tugged her sleeve "Can we go in now? I'm hot."

"Yeah baby." She said opening the door. Instead of getting out on the other side he climbed over her his elbow hitting the horn on his way past. She expected the sound to startle the baby to hear him crying at the sudden loud noise. Instead she heard him laugh again. God he was such a happy kid. She was thankful for small favors. As she climbed out of the car and retrieved her baby. Sometimes it felt like she never wanted him out of her sight. Maybe if he was never alone nothing bad would ever happen to him. But she knew better. She knew the kinds of things that were out there and the kinds of things that could happen to him. Maybe even would.

The kitchen was a mess. Flour coated almost every surface. There were apple peels spilling out of a bowl on the table. The sugar had been knocked over and there was a small pile of it that had slid down onto the floor making it sticky. Dough was stuck in Dean's hair but it didn't matter. She smiled watching the way he kept his eyes glued to the oven. "Is it done yet?"

"We just put it in." She reminded him pointing t the clock. "When the little hand get's all the way around to there." She pointed at the 8 "then it will be done." She pointed to the living room "Go play while I clean the kitchen. Then we'll get you two cleaned up and it will be ready."

He bounced away toward his bedroom. She picked up the knife that she'd been using to peel the apples and surveyed the mess. She felt herself twirling it between her fingers in a familiar dance. She let her eyes follow the blade. She could do this. It was just another demon after all. She dropped the knife back onto the table feeling a plan forming. She'd kill the damn thing and they'd be safe. She picked up the phone dialing the number with some hesitancy. The phone connected "Hi Dad." She felt the relief at the sound of his voice "I need to know how to kill a demon. Not just exorcise it. I want this son of a bitch to die." Listening to him talk her mind drifted to the jobs they'd worked together, the number of women like her they'd managed to help. She'd been out a long time she wondered how many mothers had lost their children because she hadn't been there to help them? She closed her eyes trying to remind herself that her dad was still out there hunting anything she would have gone after he would have taken care of. It was time she went back to work. There were people to save. Starting with Sam.


End file.
